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Oh Gillian McKeith, what are you doing on 'I'm a Celebrity'? I sit and watch in disbelief, as you're passing out on the ground every night on ITV. Well Gilly used to say she's a doctor, but she doesn't have a PHD, And apparently now she's a celebrity, but she's never been in Heat magazine. Well clearly I'm wrong, as either way she's in the Jungle, But recently poor Gillian, she's been having a bit of trouble. Oh Gilly, why've you been so silly? I wouldn't have a balti if I didn't like chilli, So why d'ya go and do it? Everybody must have told ya, Don't go on that programme if you've got all kinds of phobias. Oh Mrs McKeith, yo

[x] smoked [x] consumed alcohol [x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex [x] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex [ ] kissed someone of the same sex [x] had sex [x] had someone in your room other than family [ ] watched porn Iwon'tclickitIwon'tclickit! [ ] bought porn [ ] tried drugs TOTAL: 6 [x] taken painkillers [ ] taken someone else's prescription medicine [x] lied to your parents [x] lied to a friend [ ] snuck out of the house [x] done something illegal [x] felt hurt [x] hurt someone [x] wished someone to die [x] seen someone die TOTAL: 14 [x] missed curfew [x] stayed out all nig

Come backs As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican. He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard! He's tighter than a photo finish. He's sweating more than a Dog in a restaraunt He's got a head balder than a baby's arse. He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model. He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb. Last time I saw a face like th